3 Down 7 Across
by born2beAZN97
Summary: A story about sexy boys - Sasuke/Naruto
1. Chapter 1

The smexy boyz in the story arent mine *Cries sadly*

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Once upon a time there was a sexy princess called Sasuke. He had a sexy muscle body and lovely black hair. One day he was kidnapped by evil prince Aizen and put into a very, very, very, very tall tower. Sasuke was sad because he didn't want to be kidnapped. "Stop bullying me!" he thought. But Sasuke couldn't understand why his heart beat faster when he was bullied!

Up in the tower sasuke was sitting reading a newspaper, he knew he'd be stuck in the tower for a while so he went to the puzzle section. "Oh, crosswords." Sasuke moaned lustfully, "I love those." Sasuke licked his lips as he tackled three down and seven across.

Suddenly a wild naruto appeared.

"," said Sasuke.

"I'm your fairy godninja. I can grant you any wish you want." Naruto purred.

"hmmm..." sasuke thought, he picked up his crossword and stared at it for, like, forever. "whats the answer to three across?"

"Polymorphism. So hows it hanging?" naruto replied.

Sasuke lol-ed, "Down to mah knees, brah!" with a cold, enticing, emo, icy stare.

"schweeeeet." Narouto said happily.

XXX***Ichigo**luvs**Sasuke***XXX

In a town far away a brave warrior called Ichigo resided. He received a telegram from Ishida of the woeful news about the sexy princess Sasuke being kidnapped and decided he was going to rescue him and make Sasuke his wife. Ichigo was tall and muscular and had orange hair. He was wearing a great cloak of wisdom (the wise kind of wisdom), yellow socks of power, the scarf of glory, the jumper of smexyness and the hat of loveliness. He forgot his trousers of crotchconcealiness.

"Oh dear. I forgot my trousers of crotchconcealiness." He gaped, looking down at his giant schlong.

He could think of nothing to do, but do what he loved most, and that was to dance. Ichigo danced in the moonlight that morning like he had never danced before. "AAAAAAARGGGHHHH," Ichigo moaned as he danced. He danced until he ran out of dance chakra, a special gift bestowed upon him by his Captain, Danci-san.

Exhausted, Ichigo put on his trousers, which left nothing to the imagination, and set off on his way.

27 minutes later, he was halted in his path.

"ICHIGO, SIRE!" screamed Ishida, a young farm hand who lived in the town with him.

"What is it now, Ishy-chan?" asked Ichigo. Ichigo was secretly picturing him naked lying in soft hay with a goose. His lovely Ishy-chan had lovely black hair and lovely black eyelashes.

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Review ma story plzzz... ^o^


	2. Chapter 2

the sexy bois dont belong to me :(

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Ichigo started on his brave journey to rescue Sasuke with his sexy stable boy, Ishy-chan. They set out on the dry cold frozen very melancholic salmon encrusted road. "Euuugghooowwww!" said the Ent King as Ishy-chan stepped on the Ent King lower right cleft as he has a chin the size of a china-man which is separated by the European union's decision for chin equality. First proposed after PRINUS-CHIN first came to the land of Chinus-maximus. He was hailed as a God and many wenches were sacrificed for his wench soup. However when it was declared a part of the European union and there was the Great Chin Civil War, the lesser chins rebelled against the omnipotence of the great cod chins. ANYWAY!

Ichiho and Ishy-chan walked on, passing the Ent as they normally would. They decided to stop for the night and continue their quest the next day. The stopped off in a seedy hotel and they had surprise bottom sex and then after that they had non-surprise butt sex. Ichigo enjoyed it very much, as did Ishy-chan.

In the night Italians broke in through the window and stole their watches. They vaguely remember hearing one screeching 'Omninom doo doo daa!'

They awoke the next day. They were unaware of the time so they couldn't decide whether to have morning sex or not.

They decided to in the end. Over and over and over again.

To set the scene for the morning sex, they decided to make some boiled eggs and set the alarm clock. Once the alarm sounded it was time to use the wooden brakes and set those babies on fire. They first began by putting on their morning clothes and then peeling them off each other again, using only their teeth. This was sexy. They then grabbed some of the baby oil and rubbed it over each other's paninis. They rose in the oven swiftly, fastly, quickly, stiffly, at the pace of a world champion skier making their way down the course at the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics.

Ichigo grabbed and tamed Ishidas galloping sasuage and took it out for a ride. He split his morning milkshake all over Ichigo's face. "Yummy. Vanilla."

Ichigo wasn't going to let Ishida get away with that. He threw him with the strength of ten big men onto the rusty bed springs. Imprisoned on the bed Ishida could only watch in sexual terror as Ichigo brutally mega-raped his anti-vagini. And by anti-vagini he means bottom hole.

"OMG ur so sexxi" Ishida moans as he omnomed on the bed as Ichigo slid in, out, in, out, in and out of him.

Realising that the situation could only be brought to fever-pitch by the imperilment of their lives Ichigo dug the bed springs deeper into Ichida and then used his nipple clips on himself. They were made out of reinforced stainless diamonds and cost £60,000, on loan from P. Diddy himself.

To erectify this rusty-spring ridden situation, only the most forbidden jutsu could be performed. The earlier boiled eggs, which had not yet been eaten (The New Albumin is OUT NOW) were just begging to be used! Ichigo removed himself from Ishy-chan's nether regions long enough to retrieve the boiled eggs. SADLY, HE DROPPED THEM AND THEY SMASHED. So another forbidden jutsu must be implemented...

Ichigo grabbed Ishida and rotated him through a 360 degree clockwise Ollie. This made Ishida moan in pleasure, sadness, anticipation, and awesome. Ishida loved roleplaying Tony Hawk Skateboarding. Ichigo grabbed Ishidas foot and sucked hard on his big toe, swirling his tongue round and round the toe. He loved the salty toe taste. Just like bacon.

They skated around in sexual bliss, ecstasy, rapture, and chocolate, until Ichigo whaled, "AAAAAARGHHHH," and the harpoon was was at this time a there was a great white out as Ishida was avalanched in Ichigos raw, untamed, unadulterated, honey-textured passion!

"Oh Ichigo-sama...," Ishida murmured lustfully, exploded and exhausted, "where did you learn to pleasure a farmhand like me in a manor such as that?"

Ichigo looked him square in the face and said, "Well, my dearest, there are some things a man must never tell. One of them is his age, that's illegal. Another thing a man must never tell you is what brand of Cotton Buds he uses. Lastly, I must never tell you how I learned to pleasure like a Panini on a hot roasted oven plate."

After a lot of heaving breathing an enormous women ran through the door. "You little cockroaches!" she screamed. "You're scaring away my customers! I'm a professional whore!"

Ichida and Ichigo put on their great big fig leaves and skipped into the middle distance where they continued this sex rampage.

Several days later, satisfied, they went on their quest. For a time they rode in a Diesel, but he tried to do bad things to them. They decided to walk after that. Ichigo walked and strided in a dominant and manly fashion, clearly letting everyone around know that he would be the one who was on top. Ishida, on the other hand, had been put in his place, walking in a tame and inferior manner, just as a good farmhand wench should. Ichigo was very proud of his Ishy-Chan.

Some time later, Ishy-chan was angry. "I AM VERY HUNGRY, FEED ME," he shouted at ichigo.

Ichigo fed him with his gyrating, throbbing and pulsing man meat, and Ishy-chan was silent after that.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three – "The awesome bums"

Sasuke was asleep, and had been tossing and turnig for many hours in his mind. He had been having wild, crazy, and somewhat erotic dreams. When he awoke, he could vaguely recall something about Italian watch thieves, and rising Panini buns in the oven. He was hungry, and his appendix was rumbly.

Sasuke was sure the dream in his mind was almost, almost... real! As though he had some sort of telepathic connection with someone far away who was destined to rescue him from this very (x6) tall tower. That would be impossible though, of course.

Feeling very hungry and well-rested, Sasuke got out of bed. He was nekkid and he made his way into the kitchen and started nom-ing on a pack of Teatime biscuits. "Omnomnom." He said, "I lurve biscuits."

He looked into his living room in the tower an d went "AAAAUUUURRRGGGHHH" when he saw naruto sitting in the room doing the remainder of the crossword.

"OH heyyyyyy gurl!" naruto growled clicking his fingers, he then stood up and sasuke got a erection when he saw naruto wasn't wearing any clothes. Naruto transformed into a kinky-fox slave, using the power of the nine-tailed fox. Sasuke could not tear his eyes away from the naked Naruto, and was more aroused than ever before.

"How's it hanging now?" asked Naruto?

"UP TO MA EARS BRAAAHHHH," Sasuke said, winking, first with his left eye, and then with his right eye, and then with both eyes together. Sasuke's clothes all fell off and naruto fainted at the size of the monster between sasukes legs. It was the size of a tree trunk. A big tree trunk, not a small or medium sized one.

Sasuke, to revive Naruto, had to think fast! He waved his tree in his face, and Naruto woke up.

"Naruto, my sexy fox, I have written a poem for you, and you alone, it goes something like this:"

Naruto, Naruto, set the beast free.

Naruto, Naruto, pour vous et pour me. **** French 4 bottom

Let us circle the pantaloons,

In the darkest depths of Konohagasoulsociety

With seventeen days left to surrender

To the great bum of the sky

Naruto.

-in a whisper...- Naruto

"WHAAAAT?" said Naruto, having a sudden change in personality after being dormant for three months in this mockumentary mockument.

"Sasuke, I mean, Naruto," said RJ. "What?"

Anyway, "Naruto," said Sasuke, "I'm still naked. What do you want to do to remedy this SIT-CHOO-AT-ION, if you know what I mean? ;)"

"Nothing, I'm cold, have you seen the wewather outside?" said Naruto.

"No, I'm blind. You should ask Aizen to install some heating in this tower. PS I'm not blind, I have eyes only for your handbrake, naruto." ?

"my handbrake is very impressive" naruto moaned senusally and lustly. "I would like to install your penis into my bottom. I would like if you did that."

"oh alright then." Sasuke said rolling both his eyes in two different directions.

"Good sasuke, you look kind of cool," said Naruto.

"kthnx." said mthephen sorrisy, "SOOONNNnN"

"oh for fucks sake," sasuke said, "Fuck off, im attempting to engage in SEXII times. oh can you lend me some lube, or ill have to use butter."-

"OKay," said Sorrisy-chan, "I have some butter for you. Let us NEVER speak of this again, please. For the love of Son."

Sasuke proceeded to make some toast using the butter. He then totally remembered what he was ACTUALLY supposed to be doing with it.

sasuke dipped his willy into the melted butter and then naruto forced the tree trunk deep into his mouth.

"omnomnom. your dongle tastes really good." naruto yelled. "believe it."

Gin appeared. "oh hai. dont be silly wrap your willy."

then they faded to black and had sex. horray.


	4. Chapter 4

WOWRD PAD TIMEEE

Chapter #4  
Ichigo and Ishidia were merrily strawling along the park.

The park suddenly transformed into a dungeon of pure life imperilment! Chains clanked as they fell down from the ceiling and encircled Ichigo. He was now totally trapped and could not escape the bonds.

Ishida said something in a language.  
"Stop babbling," said the other character. "These chains are tightening around my body, I am unable to excape!"

A thought stirred in the mind of Ishida, then something else stirred somewhere else. He had his trousers about his ankles faster than a greased torpedo can shatter a German sub. "It's time to bend it like Beckham! Just call me Captain Hook!"  
Ichigo's eyes widened, and then they fell out of his sockets. Ishida put them inn his mouth and used Ichigo's optic nerve as dental floss.  
"You cannot grasp the true form of Ichigo's pleasure!" said Ichigo with a hint of lemon zest, in his hand.

"What is this i don't even" said Ishida.

The dungeon held even more instruments of torture, but a happy sort of pain that makes you smile widely, very widely. Ouch.  
At this point, Henry's driver and fireman died of pure shame.

in the torture chamber there were butt plugs, dildos, rusty kettle, vibrator, pancake, bondage cakes. Although, I disagree.  
"close your eyes and open your mouth ichigo." Ishida yelled waggling his McMuffin at ichigo! You may now have an overwhemling need to go to McDonaaa  
he gentely forced his willy into ichigos ear, because ichigo didnt open his mouth fast enough.

Ichigo thought, "Wow, the sounds of pleasure I am feeling, they are truly inexplicably PAINFUL."  
Ishida said, "Your ears are too small, this sads me."

So they had to deliberate. What would they do? They decided to get out a measuring tape and some protractors to decide what the best angle to approach this would be.  
ishida grabbed the tube of ichigo flavoured lubricant from the shelf of many flavoured lubricants and poured it over his impressive girth. You cant ignore the size of his girth.  
However, they still could not rush into this. They decideded to get a piece of string and a ruler to measure the circumference of the girth. They repeated the measurement three times and took an average. They calculated the percentage error. It was +/- 2%. They slowly plotted a graph of circumcision against time. They then drew a line of best fit, however Ichigo drew his wrongly, due to being in chains, and blind, and ended up with an exponential each receieved three marks, as Ichigo recieved a disibility allowance bonus.

After all this sexy hardcore physics, they were both megaly erect again and ready to "complete the rest of the exam paper." They were both aiming for A*s, if you know what I mean.

So it has begun.

Ishida, once again, slathered his pink bazooka in Strawberry flavoured lubricant and stuck his fingers up Ichigos bottom hole.  
"Ohhh." Ichigo said, "I love your sexy Quincy fingers."

Then a mysterious, interdimensional message appeared from the aether. It read: Do sit down Curtis, for the good of humanity. B'BERGBERG!

"OH GOOD," Ishida whispered. he then pranced behind ichigo and slid his weapon of mass destruction into Ichigos black hole. It turned red and his watch slowed down in the same way that a person slows down when his legs are cut off. It was suspended on the rim of his rim, or the 'event horizon' if you will.

ishida stayed on target and fired his lazer beam of pleasure deep in to ichigo.  
"I totally dig your massive laser beam," moaned Ichigo. "Please, laser me more, baby!"  
Ishida said, "Okay, I'll laser you all night long, as a cat scratches post. i do love strawberrys covered in cream. makes me want to bite them."  
"I AM SO NAKED I CANT STAND IT" Ichigo muttered.

"take it Ichigo. Take it." Ishida yelled spanking Ichigo with a whip. "TAKE IT."  
"Okay, I'm sorre, I'll take it all you want bambi," Ichigo sacrificed.  
Ishida rolled over his rolling pin and started to thwack him mercilessly with the strength of an old Italian kitchen baker.

Vicky said, "Take it off me!"  
"No, im sorry, i dont casually enjoy vaginas and breasticles." Ishida mentioned to Vicky, who began to weep loudly and then she teleported. nan dan dan e wa

Ishida then spunked into Ichigos mouth and then was throughally disgusted when Ichigo spat it back into Ishida mouth.  
"SNOOOWBALLLED!" winked Ichigo, without any eyes. His optic nerves jiggled. 


	5. Chapter 5

Sasuke was remincing about the time he working a butchers. He really enjoyed working there with all the meat. "Man, meat is really good." He purred erotically, lustfully, sadly and silently.

"Ding-dong," announced the tannoy which was connected throughout the very, very, very, very tall tower. The voice of Brian Blessed could be heard. "Welcome to the kidnap tower, your kidnap activities will begin shortly. Thank you for listening to this Kidnap Tower Tannoy Announcement. AAAAAAARGHHH."

Sasuke then realised he had imaged the tannoy. He was sad, he wanted to meet Brian Blessed. Evil prince Aizen then walked in "Muahhahahahahahah. You belong to me now."

So den sasuke was like O SHIT

And aizen was like B00BS L0L.

Hardcore dance music began to play from the imaginary tannoy speakers, pretty much like a scene out of Bruno. It was beautiful, tragic, aesthetic, and jelly at the same time


End file.
